If you ever try talking with me in person, it’s a difficult task.

I’m a weird person that is socially awkward and always have at least ten things occupying my mind. This is exasperated by the fact I am hyper-aware of it, self-conscious of how I come across and yet, take ownership of it.

I try to say too much with little filter on what I’m saying and often forget where I am. And yet, I enjoy people and find speaking in front a crowd very comfortable.

I’m sure there’s a psychological term for people like me and would appreciate any sort of clarity from those in the field.

As my old spiritual/academic/life mentor once told me, “You’re an incredible thinker who tries too hard to control the chaos of your own mind. Also, you spilt coffee on your shirt.”
(He would also go on to tell me I have a natural disdain for authority, which probably explains my lack of filter)

This is why I appreciate writing.

The primary purpose of my writing is to organize my own thoughts as they coalesce in the torrent of my mind. It’s an opportunity to capture one point of clarity amidst the endless sparks that keep me occupied.

It also helps keep me focused in the same way a book can keep me occupied for hours. It’s a strange conundrum to keep up—an incredible laser focus on any one thing in front of me, but no control when I try communicating verbally… unless it’s carefully penned and planned.

Which is also why the classroom is a good fit for my skillset. It’s a place where you can be appreciated for being wonderfully weird, quirky and rebellious.

However, this mighty combination puts me at a severe hindrance for prominent leadership positions. To be blunt, I’d be a disaster.

But, knowing that about myself doesn’t put me in a well of despair, or kickstart a drive to overcome what I am. It gives me the freedom to focus on my microcosm of the universe and nudge people in other ways.

It generates desire to pursue areas that require the flexibility some leadership roles simply don’t have. It’s less responsibility in areas I don’t need and more responsibility in areas I do.

Could this change?

Absolutely because I need to know what to work on.

Do I want it to change?

Not right now.

The Greeks had it right: “Know Thyself“