Imagine waking up on the shores of a beach. Everything is peaceful and although you have no clue how you got here, for some strange reason, you feel comfortable.

The sand beneath you is soft and warm, inviting you to run it between your fingers and squish it with your toes. The waves crashing into the shore sounds like the Earth breathing over and over again.

The bright sun and blue sky stretch out above you.

There is no one around.

You are alone.

And so, you decide to walk along the shore.

Except…

You realize you can’t move.

There’s a pain in your shoulders, and a tug on your back. It takes you a moment to realize you are wearing a heavy, uncomfortable backpack.

You slide it off your shoulders and let it fall to the sand.

You take a look inside.

It is stuffed with all the worries, anxieties, fears, insecurities, resentments and shortcomings you’ve ever collected in your life. It’s all there.

You realize you’re so used to carrying them, you don’t recognize how heavy they really are and how much they weigh you down. That’s when a decision presents itself before you:

You can pick up the bag once more and struggle to move again.

Or you can leave the bag here and go enjoy a time of bliss—completely free.

What will it take to leave the bag?

Zero is not a bad place to start.

In fact, it might be the best place.

Tesla is able to manufacture its vehicles the way they do because they didn’t have a pre-existing assembly line or model. Cryptocurrency (putting aside its many… many… issues) asked the question of what would a currency would look like without consideration for the current one.

Us?

Zero means the next step is up. And then another one up from there.

It’s not a hill to climb, but progress to be made.

“When you make a hero, give them a huge flaw.”

That gem of writing advice is also a reminder that our weaknesses are a defining feature. They are what give flavour to our personality, provided, of course, they don’t intentionally cause harm to others or ourselves.

After all, Superman would be boring without his emotional attachments or kryptonite.

And perfection is something that we can never attain because it looks different to each one of us.

There’s how a person presents and what actually happens behind the scenes. Often, we only get a slice, filtered through our own perceptions.

Online, this carefully curated persona is barely a sliver of that slice (assuming it’s even true).

And it’s becoming increasingly disheartening watching people spend all their focus on the presentation while completely ignoring what’s happening behind the scenes. Especially when you know there’s a disaster happening back there.

This isn’t to say we should all just splay our dirty laundry for the world to see, but it will only be a matter of time before it’ll be the only thing people see if it’s not taken care of.

It’s not easy,

or fast;

but it will make that presentation infinitely easier to keep up.

I’ve set high expectations for myself in life as I’ve always been of the attitude that it’s better to aim high and miss than aim low and hit. And while I still feel that way, it never occurred to me how easy it was to confuse the difference between high and unrealistic expectations.

And I fear I’ve set too many unrealistic expectations.

Part of this is cultural conditioning, especially being a child of the 80s, and being told you can do anything. Just follow your dreams no matter what. This slowly melded with the current milieu of hustle culture and “wanting it enough.”

Social media certainly doesn’t help, especially now with industries built around letting people rent out their homes or private jets specifically to take pictures for their timelines. This makes it genuinely difficult to tell what is real, leaving most of us to be cynical of everything we see and read; especially “advice.”

But the critical factor is the gap between the ideal in my head and what my life situation will actually allow.

A simple example of this, that many of us fall prey to, is timing while travelling. Ideally, we’ll be at our destination in fifteen minutes (which is what we tell whoever we’re meeting), but reality has unforeseen circumstances like… you know… traffic.

To manage expectations then, high and not unrealistic, is simply a matter of understanding the gap between the ideal and reality—then slowly turning the dial.

This is my goal for the year. Nothing more.

2023 is underway, which feels odd because 2022 was the strangest year for me. I know I’m not alone in that sentiment, but it’s hard to move forward without getting some closure on what has been.

A few particulars:

Last year was my worst for writing, as evidenced by the large gaps on this site. While I was still mildly sitting at the keyboard, it was the first year I didn’t finish a personal project.

It was also my worst for reading, having read less than half the usual number of books that I normally do.

As for my physical health… well… I’m already outfitting my closet with pants the next size up and I’ve felt like I’ve spent the year running on fumes.

However, in stark contrast, this has also been the best year for my mental health. While it certainly wasn’t sunshine and roses, the many systems and people in my life have been incredible supports in making that happen.

My relationship with my family, especially my wife, have grown stronger.

I’ve built a tighter bond with a close group of friends—those I can be open with and depend on. They have not only been fun to connect with, but also crucial to lean on.

My teaching career has finally hit a point that I’ve been longing for since starting this journey thirteen years ago. And while things are great, there’s more on the horizon.

Most importantly, I’ve learned to relax. Not completely, but quite a bit. This has been big because while I (try to) project a relaxed composure, my internal functioning is constantly anxious and unsettled. Always worried.

If I had to put a label on it, 2022 was the year of extremes. There were extreme highs and extreme lows—all residual from the previous years we’ve had. It’s like two years of dealing with incredible uncertainty and changing expectations finally caught up and we’re all just tired and numb.

Going forward is not going to be smooth, especially with the world changing (in all aspects) at an accelerating rate. While it’s good to look back at where we’ve been, I think this year is going to be about where we want to go and how we can lay the foundation to get there.

And the first place I want to go…

is to bed.

It’s time to finally get some rest again.

Cheers to 2023. May it be a moderate one that will get me back on track again.

Ever have someone lob a comment your way that set you off for the day?

A common experience for sure.

Here’s the problem: they’re probably not thinking twice about it while you’re spinning your wheels. No matter what else happens, that comment is all you’re fixated on.

What makes it worse is when this is a one-off comment from someone who you don’t really care for anyway.

That’s when it’s important to remember that giving one person, out of the eight billion people on the planet, that kind of mental space in your limited time on this planet is taking away from all the joys and blessings you have right now.

Whoever it is and whatever the comment, it’s not worth it. Think of it as the devil trying to create a foothold in your life;

refuse to give him that satisfaction.

Until it isn’t.

The key, I found, isn’t finding more efficient ways to use it in order to get more done (re: cult of productivity), but finding better ways to enjoy it.

And the key to that is to mentally shut off those thoughts that aren’t important right now.

It seems to be the only way to enjoy the time you have now…

no matter how plentiful you perceive it to be.

This can only be answered with another question:

Are you actually satisfied?

Sometimes, we have to climb the first mountain only to realize there’s a second one we should’ve been scaling all along

I normally let my birthday pass quietly, taking in the joy of the day while watching my kids get excited about the countdown to Christmas.

However, this year, I wanted to celebrate a bit more because 40 is the proverbial “mid-life crisis” age and I have nothing to be in crisis about. In all honesty, it’s never been better.

However, being the overly reflective person I am (to a fault it seems), I thought to do something different. Normally when a blogger celebrates a birthday, they post lists of things they’ve learned. I want to make a list of advice people gave to me that has rung true.

While most advice is garbage and the best bits are often ignored, here were the gems:

The days are long, but the years are short.

• Said to me when I was about to have my first kid. Applies to parenting and life.

Money isn’t everything, but it helps.

• I’ve never been motivated by money, but learning how to make, keep and grow it has alleviated countless stresses.

If you think you saw a mouse, you did. And if there’s one, there’s more.

• Yes. Just, yes.

Your health is everything.

• You can only get away with ignoring it for so long before your body fights back. On that note, nobody will care or be more honest about it than you.

Have hobbies.

• Advice given to me when I was on the assembly line after watching retired people come back every morning and sit on the line because they didn’t know what else to do.

Related…

Your hobbies can just be hobbies.

• Not everything needs, or should, be monetized. We all need an outlet.

Leave your work at work

• This one took me a long time to figure out, but mentally checking out when the day is done makes for a much greater happiness quota. You no longer live for the weekends or vacations.

Don’t eat the cherries off the cake

• There are some really stupid blunders you can make in a relationship that you won’t be able to live down, ever. Just ask me about eating my wife’s leftover chicken wings.

There are no shortcuts to writing

• You sit down and you write. A lot. That’s it.

Backup your digital stuff in multiple locations

• You only have to lose your files once to learn this lesson the hard way.

Say ‘no’

• The more comfortable you get saying this word to people, the less stress you invite into your life.

If you loan someone $20 and you never see them again because they are avoiding paying you back, that makes it worth $20.

• There is an underlying bit of advice with this one that some people are worth just letting go because they aren’t worth your time or effort anymore.

No one is as impressed with your possessions as you are.

• Having nice things isn’t the issue. It’s basing your entire self-worth on showing them off to others.

Life is not a straight line

• Getting to where I am today required an incredible amount of detours, most of which were completely unexpected. If you stay open to what life has to offer, it’ll show you some incredible things.

The first two thousand weeks of my life have been a ride and yet, despite the youthful energy and many late night festivities of those early years, I feel like the fun is just starting.

I’ll let you know in another ten years.