In my opinion, it’s one gigantic shit-show of self-important narcissism. Some people have Instagram accounts with over 1,000 photos posted. The 1,000 photos are not what’s impressively sad; it’s that those photos are of themselves in various stages of flex, undress, partying, whatever. Narcissism is being damn kind; this is sickness. Clearly achievement’s barometer nowadays is measured by how many likes and comments your margarita selfie receives. Me, me, me, as if anyone really cares.

MJ DeMarco, Unscripted

Book review forthcoming, but this quote stunned me for a number of reasons.

I’ve wrestled quite a bit with the direction of social media, its effect and my distance to it. Every few months you will see another post on this site about it as I come to some new conclusion.

Reading this quote solidifies the missing link of what bothers me most:

Social media doesn’t want you to grow up.

Before the bells of “OK Boomer” chime on, consider the natural progression of a person’s concerns of the thoughts of others. As a young person, you care deeply what others think about you (despite the posturing, which suggests otherwise).

You want to impress others, make an impression on them, discover your identity and share that particular identity with the world.

Then, as you age, you really stop caring what others think… or realize nobody (outside of your loved ones) is really thinking of you anyway. You feel bold enough to act on your own volition and progressively realize the last ten years of your life were the best ones.

In its current state, sites like Instagram stunt that growth.

Rather than connecting with others and sharing your gifts with the world, you must progressively filter and edit your life out of fear of what others think. And heaven forbid you mature or form different opinions as time goes on because that will not be accepted.

Since the Internet doesn’t forget, people find those early posts of yours and bring them to the forefront to shame you.

So you either leave the platform temporarily or permanently.

And since the addiction level of these platforms are so high and the thrill of getting another like/heart/thumbs up/emoji/gif response resonates within our boundary of personal accomplishments in life, we keep up the mindset of what others think about us.

Can the platform be used for a better purpose?
Does it have the potential to mature?
Can it elevate people beyond repetitive platitudes repackaged through different filters?

Yes, of course!

Will it?

Even the perpetual optimist in me doesn’t think so.

This is the “last week” of school.

Normally it’s met with the excitement of young people unable to control their jitters as they countdown the seconds until the summer is theirs to claim.

Attendance is down, everyone is tapped out and we’re all just holding our breath until the final bell.

My school has a particular tradition where teachers stand outside the doors of the school and wave goodbye to all the students as they leave. It’s a way of saying thank you for being in our care and we really did have your best interests at heart.

This year will have none of that.

The world was flipped upside down and while it’s good to have a sigh of relief the marking is done, I am saddened by it. I feel shortchanged we all left in March with some semblance of hope of returning, only to be informed the year will be finished at home.

Understanding the health reasons/risks for this decision, my mind still gravitates toward the unfinished loops.

I think about all the students who were finally coming on board with their reading and writing and the ones who were falling off the bandwagon–academically and socially.

I think about the opportunities missed for them to show me their perfection in some way, shape or form.

I think about the missed opportunity to say goodbye not only to them, but to my colleagues as I prepare to transfer schools next year.

Our minds naturally want to gravitate towards the negative and I know this, yet I still slip there.

In an effort to combat my own psychology, I created a new notebook of all the positive outcomes this year has brought. I looked at their work, their reflections and the accomplishments of the year.

I beam with pride at my students who started the year as fake readers, only to discover there are books out there that interest them and they know profess to be bookworms.

It brings me joy to see them work through complex mathematical problems without my guiding hand.

Then the emails poured in.

So many students offering their thanks for being a great teacher to them…

and while I’ve been humbled many times in my life (almost daily by my spouse), these got to me. I still don’t feel like I have this teaching craft down yet to a level where I’m comfortable, and there’s still so much for me to learn, yet something went right for them this year.

It’s validating that I’m onto something and I need to keep trusting my instincts. Despite the cascading effect of articles and professional development resources claiming, “You need to do this!”–I’m doing me and it’s working.

The funny part is me “doing me” is just focusing on them: What do they need?

In reflecting on the year, something tells me students are going to need more than usual come the fall.

I hope to be ready.

I’ve made so many.

And I promise, if there was an opportunity to go back and correct every one of them, I would. Yet, I have to be prepared that so many more will be made.

The best I have right now, and the best all of us have, is forgiveness.

Forgiving ourselves first,
seeking the forgiveness of others,
and being gentle to ourselves as we learn for the future.

Many mistakes can’t be fixed, but they can be corrected.

We got permission recently to return to the classroom and grab our personal possessions. It was a pretty clear objective: get in, grab what you need, then get out.

It didn’t exactly work out that way.

Walking in, everything was a rush of surrealism as I encountered an empty room waiting for students. “Upcoming Assignments” on the board, work to hand back, student bins with their portfolios and my kettle waiting to brew another cup of coffee.

The scene required a few moments to take in and process. It represented a promise of students returning, memories to share and closure to the year.

More importantly, it represented a community that will no longer gather.

Then I asked a hard question: Would they want to?

Have we done enough to make school a community that students want, need and look forward to?

Have we allowed students autonomy to build that community as well?

These questions set a course for how I’ll be teaching next year.

I’ve had a lot of trouble writing my thoughts recently; this being the third time I’ve attempted to do so. Over the past year, I’ve waited 48 hours before reacting to a viral news story.

In the age of publish now, fact-check later, it’s hard to tell the competence level of the journalist… or the ambition of the media outlet they work for. What stays consistent is the knee-jerk, extreme reactions of people.

However, this past week has been a cascade of events and I don’t even know where to start:

Pandemic, death, racism, riots, elderly homes and hey, the US sent astronauts into space again.

As a teacher, I have a position of influence and opportunity to engage young people. Students have acknowledged my class is tough because I force them to think (coincidentally, I’m also an easy marker), but they also know when it comes to racism, sexism or homophobia—there is no grey area in my class.

There are no warnings either. Get up, get out.

I’m fearless and direct about the subject because I have to. We’re beyond tiptoeing, using inferences from outdated texts and gently acknowledging its reality. Today’s world puts it in our face and to not have their teacher speak about it insinuates I’m either ignorant or ignoring it.

As much as possible, I do my best to make sure all my students see themselves in the curriculum… regardless of what I’m teaching.

My goal for teaching has always been to get students to engage with the world, be an active part of it and think for themselves.

But I always ask—is it enough?

What value are students getting?

It’s tough to infer their immediate responses and sometimes it’s an uphill battle against a home environment, but I have to keep trying.

My biggest fear isn’t they will one day be in one of those gut-wrenching, viral videos (although I will be saddened if they are), but they will be a bystander who did nothing.

Then there’s this pandemic, which has brought people to their tipping point.

Emotions are high and the thin veil holding society together is ripping. We are living through a paradigm shift and the uncertainty of tomorrow is overwhelming.

But, within that uncertainty is opportunity.

An opportunity to build the future we want, and we must do it because we have to.

Otherwise, someone will build the future for us and we’ll be no better than where we are now.

I’ve had a horrible run the past few nights of spending time on YouTube.

While many people are lauding their binge watching efforts, sharing their impressive streaks and newest finds, I’m allowing an algorithm to take me for a ride. I’m sure I’ll pay for these sessions down the road through invisible marketing tactics based on my data, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

However, it’s turned up some remarkable finds. I was quite taken aback by this one here, a well crafted and edited video on the toxic culture of self-help.

To say I dipped my toes in those waters is akin to a shark saying they’ve had a bite of fish to eat once.

Jani (the author of the video) nails it on the head when he speaks about the addiction to the indsutry itself and the finishing of every bit of material feels like an action is taken. But it’s not.

It’s telling yourself a lie so much that you start believing it.

But its insidious nature is getting you so hooked on the ideas that the very thought of taking action on them is stifling because you can’t live up to the ideal in your head. That right there doesn’t just go for self-help, but for so many of our own dreams in life.

I have a horrible psychological issue (well… many) of getting addicted to the idea, taking action on it, then sabotoging it. I’ve literally stifled my own writing career by wasting opportunities and, to be honest, being a complete idiot (imposter syndrome is also a big factor as well).

All because of an idea I’m addicted to and a hungering thought that “just one more thing” is all I need before I can get serious about it.

Well—it’s all garbage.

It’s no good getting obsessed over an idea if you’re never going to take action.

Just go for it and adjust as you go.

Although, right now, I feel like I’ve come full circle from the most popular article I’ve written online. Maybe now I have the maturity to follow through.

For all the struggles, pains and annoyances of lockdown measures, remember the good.

Remember…
the joy of walks,
the attempts at cooking,
the conversations to stay in touch,
the naps that refreshed you,
the projects that finally got done,
the hobbies you unearthed,
the creative play with family,
the anticipation of seeing others,
the reflections on life,
and the time the world stood still.

Those are the things we need to carry forward as the new normal.

The past few days my writing has been deeply personal, which is fine, but not the sort of reflections appropriate to post online.

Since I’ve always been a proponent of airing your dirty laundry privately, I’ve done just that. Wrote it, read it, then discarded it.

I’ve spoken about that process in an earlier post , there’s no need to detail it here.

Although those entries are gone, there were plenty of seeds within them that will germinate in their due course. It’s those I will be writing about at some point as they coalesce into something solid.

While personal accounts are wonderful as a connection point, especially to those who are going through something similar, it can be incredibly tempting to give up any bit of privacy a person has left.

A person who shares a personal anecdote periodically can capture the emotional capacity of their audience–getting them to recognize the person in front of them is human as well.

Getting too personal… with everything… it’s just not a step I’m willing to make in an online forum.

I share a lot.
I struggle a lot.
I succeed a lot.

But many parts of my personal life still remain my own and I always need to ensure that I draw the line between personal and reflective pieces.

For now, it’s Canada, the weather just turned into real Spring (our fake one had two bouts of snow) and I’m off to enjoy it.

The ancient Greek philosopher, Seneca, had this to say about time:

Men are thrifty in guarding their private property, but as soon as it comes to wasting time, they are most extravagant with the one commodity for which it’s respectable to be greedy

There is something to be said of the time we have right now. While the frustrations of social distancing can dominate the psyche, there’s an opportunity to look for something bigger.

The traditional thieves of time used to come in engagements with others you didn’t care for or extra work you were guilted into finishing. These often came in large denominations of days, afternoons or evenings.

The thieves of the hours came through the mindless entertainment of television—watching something because it’s on and not because you’re interested.

Today, there are much craftier thieves of time who steal it in slivers, but cause it to evaporate by a thousand cuts. These are the thieves of digital distraction whose most common name is “Just checking,” but what makes them really vicious is they occupy your mental state all day.

All those thieves are hard to combat when life is moving so fast.

However, now, there’s an opportunity to stop them.

I am not getting any younger. Neither is my family.

As frustrating as days can be, I’m getting an incredibly large chunk of uninterrupted time to enjoy them right now.

I don’t know what the future will hold.

I do my best to prepare for it and to take advantage of the opportunities available, but I cannot assume an outcome.

This time has taught me to be an even greater guardian of the time I have.

I hope it does the same for others.