The “self-made” person is a mirage. You are the result of the five people you hang out with the most. 

The five always begins with family… for better or worse. 

As we begin to make sense of the world, our five people shift and adapt. The person we want to become nudges us towards the people who will help us get there. 

Prior to the digital age, if there were no local people who shared our vision, we could always find solace in books. They became our mentors when access to people was limited. 

Their advantage was the authors didn’t have to be alive to be part of the circle who influenced you. 

Our globally connected landscape allows a digital connection to the five people you hang out with (especially for those who are isolated), but our physical connections outweigh the loose threads of digital friends. 

It’s our need for physical connection that puts us in a digital framework to fill in the lack and it’s important to fill that need. A strong connection builds a foundation that pushes us to where we want to be. 

Whoever you’re surrounding yourself with is encouraging you, discouraging you, lifting you up or tearing you down. 

Choose your five wisely. 

“How to Slack Your Way to Success” was truly a publication of where I was in my life at the time of writing.

There are many parts where I shake my head and smile, but still in agreement with the underlying message—perhaps the focus, or intonation, need some refinement.

However, it’s Tommy v2’s (Thomas Jast) introduction that resonates.

Two people, two lives.

One focuses her attention on where it matters, accepting that not every part of her life can be stellar.

The other stresses himself out trying to eek out every half-mark he can in his school work, only to discover those infinitesimal fractions of marks count for nothing in the long run but unneeded stress.

If the difference between half a mark is pursuing your dream or letting it die, then it matters.

If the skill of negotiating and fighting for what you want is the intention, with the marks being nothing more than the vehicle of deliver for said skills, then it matters.

If it’s neither of those situations, why stress over it?

There are places in your life where half a mark matters. Carrying it into every part of who you are is inviting opportunity for something to fall apart.

It’s Father’s Day.

Consequently, it’s also been a month since I’ve posted, or even written, anything. This past year has been a long haul with a lot of change and I’m happy to have gone through it.

For one, it prepares me for other upcoming years that will present its own challenges. What they may be is something I can never be certain of, nor can anybody adequately warn me when they will happen.

Time will always remain an enigma.

All I know is I missed writing.

I missed the consistency of my writing.

I missed the focus and the opportunity to become an exorcist of my own demons through the written word.

And the longer you keep yourself away from the habit, the longer you need to build it back up again.

My words may be scattered and the posts may be weak, but I look forward to building the writing muscle back. There is a joy when my fingertips dance across the keyboard, begging my thoughts to channel themselves to each key.

There will be plenty of book reviews (as the reading hasn’t lagged) and perhaps they will be the requisite exercises needed. There’s always a catalyst for further thought in every work I come across.

I celebrate this Father’s Day with my family and feel excited to return to the written word.

Originally posted on my Facebook wall:

This year has been a tough one in many respects, but teaching has been the highest on the list.

My colleagues know this year’s batch has been incredibly challenging and it’s even taken me to the point where I’ve honestly felt like quitting.
I never thought I’d hit that point.
I’ve had to change my teaching style several times over, making mistakes (still making them), failing, trying again and doing whatever I can to reach my students. It’s felt like running up a sand hill with ice underneath and I know I haven’t been the best teacher I can to my students as a result.

I’ve had to constantly remind myself that all I can do is plant seeds and hope to God they grow into something more down the road. I always have the best hope for all my students (regardless of how much they drive me up the wall).

Just when I was ready to burnout and call it a day, a student of mine (anonymously) just sent in this nomination for our board’s BeOCSB project:

“This teacher is certainly the best teacher I’ve ever had and has changed who I am for the better. He strives to make the learning environment a safe and positive place, and makes
learning, well, really fun. He doesn’t ever give up on anyone and always puts in his best effort with all of his students to teach them.”

I have a tear in my eye as I read this because it gives me enough fire to keep going and it really feels like it’s coming out of left field.

I still have a lot to learn (really, are we ever done learning?), but let this be a reminder we don’t always get to see the fruits of our efforts.

To all my educator friends – keep going because there’s at least one student in all your classes who are thinking this about you, even if they don’t share it.

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I posted that during the day immediately after receiving the nomination and want to extend my thinking on it further.

I’m not looking to be recognized as the best educator. Instead, I want my students to receive the best education they can while in my class.

Besides, there’s no such thing as the best—just people’s subjective opinion on the matter. Ask any bestselling writer and they’ll tell you the legions of people who hate their work despite the millions who love it.

You also can’t be everything for everyone.

Every person has their limits.

Where I was burning out was in thinking I hit the bottom of my educational toolbox without my students learning a thing. Perhaps I wasn’t an effective educator and maybe the classroom isn’t where I should be.

Normally, I can self-reflect, evaluate, pivot and move on but I’m constantly plagued by self-doubt and having a tough year (in many regards) was exasperating the problem.

This came at a time I needed it most, especially since I wasn’t expecting it.

It validates I need to be where I am and that I should continue to push even further.

To whomever took the time out of their long weekend to submit this nomination:

Thank you.

Here’s the issue with “reality” television:

It takes an inordinate amount of footage to put together a one hour episode. The bulk of the time producing a show is cutting out all the boring parts and leaving just the exciting bits.

Then there’s the direction involved to lead people to feel a certain way about a situation or the people on it (again, even more editing involved).

We then compare an episode with what’s going in our own lives and we seem so boring as a result.

This is then compounded by social media where people are only posting fragments of their lives, but only those exciting ones, giving us the impression that is the entirety of their life.

Real life is slow.

It’s boring.

Drama doesn’t get resolved in a season. In some situations, it never gets resolved.

Real life is also messy and chaotic.

Sometimes you need to back away and refocus.

Heeding the advice of a writer I admire and follow, Dean Wesley Smith, he told me the only excuse for stopping your writing is kids. You can come back to your writing, but you can never get the time back with your kids.

He wasn’t kidding.

The days with them have been long, but the years are short. One of them is off to school next year and I’m doing my best to honour a promise I made that if I became a parent that I would be a present one.

It doesn’t mean it’s glamorous, but it’s hard some wonderful moments.

But it takes time to get to those moments because it’s the boring parts between the highlights that make the highlights happen.

Boring isn’t bad and we need to remember that.

Near my hometown was a bean factory.

Its purpose was to package beans in a can, then ship them out to companies who would then put their label on it. From there, it would make its way to the grocery aisle.

Growing up, we knew the only difference between the different brands was the label itself.

Enter a grocery store now and you are bombarded with unlimited choices for the most inane products. Bread crumbs, for instance.

There are more than ten different choices for bread crumbs. I’m not sure about you, but the last thing I need to expend any mental capacity on is making a decision about crumbs.

This is the world we live in today—one completely punctuated by a vast array of choice.

It’s not enough to do your due diligence and research the best of what you need because you will get overwhelmed with the comparisons.

Even trying to test them will result in a loss because there’s always a fear of missing out.

However, when you pull back the marketing, you discover the variations are minor and sometimes, inconsequential. We waste a ton of energy always looking, deciding and trying.

You can make life a lot easier by finding what works for you and leaving it that choice.

• I have one pen I really love and just buy refills for it. If I ever lose the pen, I’ll buy its replacement.
• I only have one notebook for all my notes and random thoughts.
• My wife and I budget together with the same program we’ve been using for the past six years.
• My outfit for work has been whittled down to a rotation of five dress pants and five dress shirts with matching ties.
• I only use two cleaning products for the entire house.
• I’ve settled on using Scrivener for all my writing needs.
• And yes, I pick the cheapest brand of bread crumb in the aisle because most of them are all processed at the same place.

Keep it simple, ignore the hype and save your energy for where it’s really needed.

Life will always happen, no matter your circumstances. While it would be nice to predict and accurately measure the next time there will be a disruption, the important lesson is to always be prepared.

Things fall off track during those times for a number of reasons.

Perhaps a relationship went astray, a good habit got disrupted, a bad habit returned, or a system fell apart. There are ample hiccups in life that are unintended.

The biggest one, of course, is the realization your life path is not the one you should be on anymore.

The important key to have in mind is taking steps to start again.

I look at it this way:

If the last ten years (or even twenty) went a certain way, I’m going to make sure the next ten go a different way.

There’s no point in dwelling on it anymore. Do your best to repair the harm (if any) and be prepared for the bumps that will come along next time.

Recognize what happened, learn from it and then start again.

The issue with mentorship, through whatever medium it’s provided (direct, books, digital, conferences, etc.), is you become inundated with so many ideas, you want to try them all at once.

My issue with reading a paradigm shifting book, especially with the craft of teaching, is I want to try all of the ideas at once. Even though I tell myself to take it slow, “just a few ideas,” there’s something fundamental I always miss.

The person doing the mentoring tried these ideas one at a time, piece by piece, iterating them over time until they came to the point where you’re viewing them now.

In our rush to be like the master, we forget our roles as beginners.

A solution around the problem is to look at all the good ideas presented and ask:

What one idea can I use tomorrow, that would make sense for me right now?

Then use that one idea and work with it until you’re ready to start the next one.

Otherwise, all you have is a ton of one-off ideas that had a beginning, but no follow-up and no resolution.

In other words, you’re right back to where you started.

Just start with one.