At my home growing up, we always had treats and drinks ready in case people suddenly showed up, which was often. The house was always kept clean and (aside from the drawers and closet in my room), tidy.
My friends used to joke that they sometimes would throw food on my floor to eat off it just because they could. These same friends would also knowingly show up at my house when I wasn’t there to eat the leftovers out of my fridge. My mom was happy to oblige because I was such a poor eater.
Whatever the case, my home was always ready to receive people.
This was the baseline I had for my own home, which set an expectation, to be honest, that’s been driving me crazy. Failure to reach this level resulted in feelings of constant embarrassment because I never felt like people can just stop on by. If they did, I felt apologetic the moment they came in the door.
That was until I finally understood a distinction and recognized an issue.
In the world of constant comparisons with others online, there is a feeling of inadequacy that your home can never measure up. While I still strive to keep a somewhat clean home (I’m told trying to clean with kids is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos), these perfect setups online are only good for the camera.
Which helped me finally make the big distinction between hospitality and entertaining.
When you’re entertaining (e.g. birthday parties and Christmas dinner), you set your home up in a certain way to accommodate the event. Everything needs to be in its place.
However, hospitality is very different.
If you come into my home, I can easily make a cup of coffee, put together a few snacks and pull up a few chairs.
If you bring your kids, I have toys scattered everywhere and assure you, nothing is precious around here that they need to tiptoe in every room.
I got popcorn if you want to watch a movie, blankets by every couch for you to be cozy and a cat that might show his face when he wants attention.
Sure, you might not be able to eat off my floors (yet) and I might not always be ready to entertain, but you are always welcome to come on by because I will always strive to be hospitable.