Marcus Aurelius

… and I think that’s it.

It would be nice to extend this list, but I have my serious doubts.

There is a saying that we live two lives and the second one begins when we realize there’s only one. Intellectually, I get the message, but always feared the real meaning might come a little too late.

Time is passing faster than I could anticipate and while I’m doing my best to slow down, appreciate what’s in front of me, I know tomorrow I’m going to wake up and it’ll be ten years later.

So, I’m doing my best to live my second life.

There are no do-overs, but I can approach each day as if I’ve already lived it… and will do better this time than last.

All the joys and pains of life come in the challenges it lays before us. These are always met in one of two ways.

The first is to accept the challenge head-on and find pleasure in working through it, conquering it and learning from it, ultimately growing as a human being.

Each new challenge is an opportunity to tackle the vicissitudes of life.

The second is to admit defeat upon its presentation, complain endlessly and sulk about it, ultimately getting nothing done to change the circumstance (or even the attitude towards it).

The second way accomplishes nothing while the first changes the world.

“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.“

Friedrich Nietzsche

In re-reading Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning,” there was a passage that struck me in a different way than my first time through. That was when Frankl mentions the death rate of prisoners increased over Christmas and New Years.

Not because the conditions were any different, but because many prisoners assumed they would be home again by that time.

When we lose all hope in any tomorrow, in any future, in anything that life expects from us (not necessarily what we expect from life), we see the decline of ourselves.

It’s for this reason, we must hold steadfast and live with hope in our hearts. It may be the only thing that can keep us going.

Many moons ago, I wrote this article for Lifehack about perfect being the enemy of completion. While it revolved around a mantra of Ready, Fire, Aim, I’d like to come back to it for a moment and simplify it further to something I heard recently:

Better, not perfect.

Moving in the direction of better, even just a little, is a significant improvement over overthinking perfection and doing nothing.

For instance, I swept the floors.
Are they spotless? No.
Are they better? Yes.

I subconsciously took the same approach with my own writing, always striving to do a little better each time, but never expecting perfection from myself. Looking back at my work over the years, I can be proud as it was the best I could do at the time. However, each time I sit down, it’s just a bit better.

We can easily extrapolate to the problems of our world.

Can we do better?

Yes? Then let’s do it.

It won’t be perfect, but at least it’ll be better.

Are all marked by moving goalposts.

While it’s extremely difficult to find happiness when you’re suffering, especially with physical ailments or environmental factors, happiness markers seem to always be something in the distance.

Always moving, always changing and just when you get close, they move again.

I, for one, am skeptical of petty quotes on social media or glorified discovery stories that pervade pop culture that point us in the “right direction.” These are nothing more than personal journeys marked by deep hurts and dissatisfactions a person is trying to get over.

They’re also over-simplified and leave us in a ditch that we can never recover from: comparison.

It’s pretty clear the world will never be perfect and life will never be exactly where we want it, especially considering our idea of a perfect world and perfect life are constantly changing.

However, that shouldn’t stop us from taking steps towards making it better in our own way. And for that to happen, we need to set our own goalposts and move them on our own accord.

Otherwise, our understandings of happiness will always be callous, unattainable and fleeting.

Sometimes, we can get a little too comfortable with our lives.

And I don’t mean it in the way of working towards a life and then enjoying it. That should come as a natural consequence of striving for what you want.

We can just become too familiar with our routines, our thinking and ways of seeing… which gets in the way of our own growth as human beings. Regardless of age, we all have the latent potential for growth and experiences.

It’s something I think about as an educator who has been forced to leave his own comfort zones, many times, for my practice. The way I like learning and what I’m interested in is not in-line with my students (or very, very few of them). However, whenever I feel myself getting comfortable with what I’m doing by thinking that because it’s been working, it’ll continue to work, I know it’s time to change it up.

Even a little bit.

It’s something I also think about as a parent and a partner. Often, a new perspective is needed as things become a little too comfortable.

Of course, there is always the danger that leaving our comfort zones may not work. They may fail spectacularly. Actually, it might happen the majority of the time.

However, the few times it doesn’t, a whole new world opens up.

And that is worth every attempt.

I’ve been recently thinking about the whole notion of following your passion. It’s always some make-shift advice given to people, especially younger ones, to pursue their passions at whatever cost because it will give them the best outcome in life.

What outcome?

Financial? Peace of mind? Happiness?

That part’s never really been defined, especially since very few actually pursue what’s in their heart.

Why?

And here comes the dark side of it…

Following a passion consumes you. Completely.

It’s the only thing on your mind and you’re willing to be obsessed to the point of giving up stability, relationships—everything—just to pursue it.

I saw it as a magician. The ones who made it are the ones who lived and breathed it all day, every day. Their relationships were far and few, if any, and their tunnel vision to make it happen was solid. There was no breaking it.

The whole idea of balance in life is out the window. It doesn’t exist.

And that’s the part we hide from people, but it’s the part they need to know.

Date back thousands of years, but the love of power consistently usurps the love of our fellow human.

Even when nations around the world, less than a hundred years ago, rallied together to create thirty universal human rights, we have been unable to implement them.

The argument that humans are naturally selfish and destructive fall short of anthropological research showing the opposite. The foundations of civilization was compassion, not dominion.

If only we could remember that.

We might be familiar with the idea of a reset in life. A time to get away, or retreat, in order to recharge and get ourselves energized. Sometimes this means a vacation, but waiting long stretches for that coveted escape may not give the fuel we need on a daily basis.

This is when a fifteen second meditation comes in handy.

I first read about it in Creative Quest by Questlove and fell in love with the idea. It works so well during the day as an opportunity step back and reset (or in my case, transition from work to home).

Simply close your eyes and let your mind wander away for fifteen seconds.

Nothing more.

When you come back, you’ll be ready.