the best version of who I am.

Many moons ago, as a younger child (I’m a much older child now), I had this great idea that camping was fun. I went on several trips with cousins as my parents refused to participate in such activity. They would later tell me that, as immigrants, they grew up sleeping on the floor and worked hard in order to never do it again.

As much as I thought I enjoyed the experience, what I really enjoyed was the company.

Years later, when I attempted another trip, I knew it wasn’t for me. Thankfully, the person I was with felt the same way and we agreed this would be something we’d never do for fun. I think we even wrote it in our wedding vows.

Last weekend, we took our kids camping, by request of our son for his birthday gift.

We setup the tent, tarps and even got a fire going pretty easily. We cooked hamburgers, roasted marshmallows and made s’mores. We went to bed…

…and then the torrential rainstorm began.

It didn’t stop.

At night.

Or in the morning.

By 7am, I had the kids packed up in the car and we were gone—ready to return and pack up the site when the rain stopped (which it didn’t until the next day). We could’ve “braved” it, but it was a hard no from me.

I am not a camper and to expect that of me will be met with great disappointment. As I like to tell people, I’m the great indoorsman.

There are many other things I am not, as much as I would like to be them.

However, what I can be is the best version of everything that I am right now. And if other people I meet acknowledge who they are and strive to be the best version of themselves, what more could I ask for?

If you tell ten people with critical health conditions that they need to change something about their life in order to survive… two people will do it.

When I first read about that study, I was dumbfounded.

While we all have issues understanding an idea, making a habit stick or doing something to think differently, the motivation of survival should surely be enough motivation. As it turns out, it’s not.

Our brains are wired in a way that it can take multiple attempts, viewpoints and approaches before something works. The synapses require multiple connections that are strengthened by continuous repetition.

If you keep at it enough, it will click at some point.

But it requires dedication, patience and a willingness to make it happen.

And the combination of those three are hard to come by.

It was brought to my attention the other day that I will be part of the last generation to fully live through this current renaissance period we are in.

At first, I had to consider whether we are actually living through one, but considering history has a tendency to repeat itself (over… and over… and over…), it’s quite clear:

The renaissance is in communication and information.

This time period we are in is the Gutenberg Printing Press all over again. The difference this time is the flow of information is being accelerated by the parallel strides in communication.

Anybody, at any time, anywhere on the planet can get access to the entirety of human knowledge, video chat with a friend and watch a cat video. And the growing pains are coming alongside it.

If you consider the number one selling book after the printing press was “The Hammer of Witches” (a self-help book to help identify a witch) and then you consider what people are looking at today, we have a lot of growing up to do. The good news is a renaissance is usually preceded or followed by an enlightenment.

Unfortunately, enlightenment periods come after a period of ignorance and stupidity.

Seems to be where we’re at right now.

But the best part is being able to document and understand the messy, and chaotic, nature of change. Now we just wait for what’s just around the corner.

Going it alone requires a certain kind of mindset and produces a particular outcome. It can be useful when there is work to be done and focus required to get there.

However, if a person wants to improve, better themselves, see their weaknesses and build a support system, they will need others. They need a friend (at minimum) who has the same desire and mindset, working towards the same ideal.

I can say that everything I’ve built and done so far has been the direct result of the people I’ve known. Those who were providing the supports weren’t doing it out of some obligation (well… maybe my parents), but for a genuine desire to help.

But that is the hardest part.

Admitting you need for help.

Admitting you need others.

And the hardest of all… accepting that help.

During the summers of my college life, I worked on an assembly line. One of those days, I worked alongside someone who was telling me about his wife who was a writer with three books published to date.

I was obviously interested and intrigued, then headed out to grab a copy of her latest work. A supernatural foray of women and witches—Dime Store Magic by Kelley Armstrong.

It was neat. I definitely wasn’t into the whole supernatural genre, but could appreciate the fun the book brought.

He later remarked that while she received mostly positive reviews for her work, one critic tore into her claiming she’s got too much talent to be writing in such a dead-end genre. It was a waste of her time.

A year later, Twilight came out.

It wasn’t long before publishers were begging for more supernatural works. By this point, Armstrong had already established herself in that space and her career skyrocketed.

When I first started blogging under my own name, it was a crowded place and the advice was all over the place for how to get discovered:

Write daily
Don’t write daily
Write long posts
Write short posts
Add an image
Write a compelling headline
Guest post everywhere
etc.

Whenever a new trend popped up, you suddenly saw the entire blogosphere adapt and chase what was new. Then blogging “died” and was “replaced” with micro-blogging, social media posting, video, immersive websites, etc.

At some point, I got sick of following all the hype and decided to just keep writing on a simple site that put readability above anything else. Right now, there’s a ton of people moving towards simple text-focused sites to show their writing.

All those other bloggers who were chasing trends… or even giving the advice?

Gone.

Amateur investors right now are chasing all the trends (“Gamestop!” “Bitcoin!” “Dogecoin!”), then wondering why they keep losing all their money.

When you see a trend, it’s already too late to ride the wave.

You’re better off creating your own trend, or sticking to what you love until it becomes a trend again… and then riding the wave that comes with it.

The joy of youth, especially the extremely young, is having no semblance or clue for the world around you.

It’s the creativity of being able to take disparate ideas, mash them together, make it a game and let it be your world for a day. The idea of fun is whatever comes to mind and eventually, you develop your own style.

For a short moment in history, you are your own person.

It then gets grounded out of you in your attempt to conform to the world. Sometimes, it happens in small doses until your personality becomes a death by a thousand cuts. Other times, it’s a giant leap, thrust upon you by no fault of your own.

It takes the rest of your life working out the crud and finding the heart of what brought you joy in the first place.

And while it may seem like an arduous journey, it’s worth every step back.

As the school year ends, it’s time to evaluate how we did leading into the “technological utopia” of online learning.

After all, numerous tech companies pitch educational institutions every year with the “solution” to all of education’s woes. Just throw more technology at kids. Specifically, theirs.

Well, this year was a time to see how well that worked out.

It would be unfair to fully evaluate its merit based on the environmental conditions; mainly, the entire world locked down in a global pandemic where everyone’s stress level was through the roof. That and no infrastructure to initially support it (even Google had to rapidly develop features to deal with the needs of schools).

However, it became the perfect backdrop to actually test whether online learning works. After all, everyone needed to participate.

First, the good:

• Some students really thrived in this environment. They weren’t distracted by their peers, could work at their own pace, take breaks as needed, move around while lessons were happening and didn’t feel anxiety about being in a school building
• Classroom management issues were at a minimum
• A lot of us became comfortable with pushing technological tools to their limit and learned how to leverage it
• Levels of empathy and understanding were at an all time high

Now, the negative:

• See above about the infrastructure not being in place, involving teams of people trying to build this plane as they were flying
• From an educator’s point of view, you logged in and stared at icons for hours on end as students didn’t have their webcams on. To give a semblance of what this is like, video call someone and have them turn off their camera and not respond to anything you say. Do this every day for months on end.
• To piggyback on the above, visual cues that you normally get in social interactions are lost
• In many instances, so were audio cues (I would conference one-on-one with students and many were more comfortable with their mics/cameras on in those situations)
• Many districts moved to an accelerated timeline and everyone felt rushed
• Policy makers felt that an online environment should merely be a reflection of an in-class one and instituted parameters to make it so… unfortunately, it doesn’t translate well… or at all
• Plagiarism: students weren’t even hiding it by the end
• We threw this on them expecting them to act like adults throughout the process. We projected our own ideals and what we would do without fully understanding the psychology of a young person. A young person whose brain isn’t fully developed.
• In their own feedback, they wonder why no one ever asked them what they thought of school closures and the pivoting back and forth, why people spoke for them and didn’t value their opinions.

All this to say, this year was a mess.

A fully online environment does work for some, but like everything, it wasn’t for everyone. In this case, it wasn’t for the majority who were forced to participate in it.

From my perspective, every wrong decision you could make in its implementation was done. Perhaps with time and better understanding of what we learned, it could be better… but it’s going to be really hard to get young people on board. They’ve done it and it’s left a bad taste.

This isn’t a slam against using technology in the classroom. Leveraged correctly, it’s a huge benefit… as a tool. Not an end of itself.

I, for one, am glad this online year is done. While I’ve had the pleasure of teaching some incredible young people, people who have thankfully really enjoyed my classes, I’ll be really glad to see them in person next year.

Hopefully.

With 34 years of data now, I can confidently say that I have never once lost my temper and afterwards said, “I’m so glad I did that.” A corollary to this: I don’t recall the last time I spent time on social media and felt better after either. A corollary to this corollary: I regret almost every time I have expressed an opinion on social media. I don’t necessarily regret the opinion, I regret the lapse in self-control that culminated with me shouting into the void. 

Ryan Holiday (Link to original post)

There was much to take in Ryan’s recent post, but that part really hit home.

As a second generation Italian growing up to immigrant parents, I can tell you with certainty that Italians are very passionate people. This leads us to flare up a lot.

Some days, we’ll scream if the sky is blue.

Learning how to regulate my emotions and ease up on my temper has been an ongoing battle. Sometimes, I think I’ll have a victory in one area of my life, only to have it come up somewhere else—the car being the prime candidate.

This past year, I’ve had to try harder than ever to keep my emotions in check. All it took was one of my kids to spill something (which, they’re kids, of course they’re going to spill stuff) or one more request from someone (not thinking I could just say no) for the bubble to pop.

And it’s always for nothing.

Then there’s the time on social media. I no longer look at it as the tool of communication I hoped it would be. Every time I would login, it would only take a few minutes before I could feel my blood pressure rise. Sometimes I would lash out and other times, I would carry that with me. It would come out in some other way.

Again, all for nothing.

I don’t regret my passion, but I do regret my temper.

It just took a long time to figure out the two could be separated.

Confucius is attributed to saying we have two lives and the second one begins when realize there’s only one.

The problem with entering into this ‘second’ life is we still want to bring the baggage of the first life with us. The triumphs, pains, sorrows, regrets, attitudes, connections… all trying to root themselves in a place you don’t want them.

Guilt creeps in.
The mind uses the sunk-cost fallacy logic against you.
Your memories take on a rose-coloured tint.

But deep down, the truth is apparent:

You must leave it all behind.

Board games are a common sight in my house and date nights wouldn’t be complete without them. Better than fighting over what to watch, sitting down to challenge each other in a battle of wits is a satisfying past time.

The problem is my wife is very competitive and hates losing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m also a very competitive person. However, I’ve learned over the years to take a loss and move on. My lovely, better half?

She’ll smile and go, “Oh, you won this time! Let’s play again.”

Which is code for we’re going to play again so I can win and even when I do, I’m still going to be mad at you for winning one.

However, I have to give her credit because she plays all things until she wins and learns very quickly why she loses. Once she’s mastered a game, my only recourse is to keep distracting her with more wine until I can eek out a victory. Even then, it’s still a gamble and she catches on quickly.

In some instances, she’ll play the long game.

Hmmmm… I notice my husband doesn’t eat enough vegetables, but will eat them first to get to the meat. I’m going to slowly increase the amount of vegetables on his plate and shrink the amount of meat.

Within a year, I suddenly notice I have more of an appetite and taste for veggies and less for other foods.

She doesn’t like to lose and it’s taught me two important lessons:

1. How to take a loss and learn from it
2. How to find a way to win