Resentment towards other people is a taxing enterprise on the mind. It festers in there, growing, until it occupies your complete mental space.

Your mind races to create every negative memory and scenario. This in turns triggers an emotional loop that sours your mood, causing further resentment.

Letting it go completely, although ideal, is not only difficult, but may not be possible.

So what can be done?

Consider that most things in the universe are outside of your control… especially other people. Some do their best to influence or manipulate others (which is where some resentment comes from in the first place), but each day can yield something drastically different.

Then consider what is within your locus of control.

And take it a step further by asking what are actionable items that are within that control.

Now comes the hardest part—take action.

Know the other you have resentment towards may never change, but you will.

Eventually, given the efforts, the resentment turns into a lesson. It may be a difficult one, a life altering one or a painful one, but it’s better than carrying the burden with you every day.

We are attracted to the bloom of the flowers—their colours, shapes and scents.

We arrange bouquets based around these parameters and give preferences based upon them. Yet, we overlook the key elements that make them possible:

The stems, the roots, the soil it grew in and the water that gave it life. Of course, let’s not forget the bees.

Without all of those foundational elements in place, a flower cannot bloom.

While a carefully prepared flower bed is the most ideal for flowers to receive this foundation, they can still receive it in the most unlikely of places.

Wherever you are, get your foundation in order and then get ready to bloom.

We are well aware healthy food, exercise and a good night’s sleep is necessary to physically feed you. This is probably the easiest to look upon and likewise, the easiest to prey upon by crafty marketers.

However, we are more than just our physical makeup.

How often do we ask what feeds us in other parts of our life?

What feeds us mentally?
Emotionally?
Spiritually?

I would be dumbfounded if somebody came out of this pandemic and said that endlessly scrolling Facebook or picking fights on Twitter was what kept them going.

Something people are also learning is you cannot demand another person fill those gaps either. For one, they simply can’t.

The best they can do is nudge you, intentionally or not.

Just as the desire and willpower to physically take care of yourself must come from within, so to must the other forms of sustenance.

Without them, you are starving yourself without even knowing it.

If you ever try talking with me in person, it’s a difficult task.

I’m a weird person that is socially awkward and always have at least ten things occupying my mind. This is exasperated by the fact I am hyper-aware of it, self-conscious of how I come across and yet, take ownership of it.

I try to say too much with little filter on what I’m saying and often forget where I am. And yet, I enjoy people and find speaking in front a crowd very comfortable.

I’m sure there’s a psychological term for people like me and would appreciate any sort of clarity from those in the field.

As my old spiritual/academic/life mentor once told me, “You’re an incredible thinker who tries too hard to control the chaos of your own mind. Also, you spilt coffee on your shirt.”
(He would also go on to tell me I have a natural disdain for authority, which probably explains my lack of filter)

This is why I appreciate writing.

The primary purpose of my writing is to organize my own thoughts as they coalesce in the torrent of my mind. It’s an opportunity to capture one point of clarity amidst the endless sparks that keep me occupied.

It also helps keep me focused in the same way a book can keep me occupied for hours. It’s a strange conundrum to keep up—an incredible laser focus on any one thing in front of me, but no control when I try communicating verbally… unless it’s carefully penned and planned.

Which is also why the classroom is a good fit for my skillset. It’s a place where you can be appreciated for being wonderfully weird, quirky and rebellious.

However, this mighty combination puts me at a severe hindrance for prominent leadership positions. To be blunt, I’d be a disaster.

But, knowing that about myself doesn’t put me in a well of despair, or kickstart a drive to overcome what I am. It gives me the freedom to focus on my microcosm of the universe and nudge people in other ways.

It generates desire to pursue areas that require the flexibility some leadership roles simply don’t have. It’s less responsibility in areas I don’t need and more responsibility in areas I do.

Could this change?

Absolutely because I need to know what to work on.

Do I want it to change?

Not right now.

The Greeks had it right: “Know Thyself“

Trailblazers start followings, which in turn create communities.

While the common narrative is for every individual to be a trailblazer (who doesn’t want that notoriety?), community remains the strongest asset for an individual.

Looking to eat healthy?
There are plenty of communities to welcome you into their ranks.

Looking to get into shape?
You just have to tilt your neck slightly and you’ll encounter a community ready to welcome you.

And of course within those communities are sub communities to accept you among their ranks (e.g. even the Dungeons & Dragons community is divided based upon which version of the game is played).

Any community will fit the niche of what you’re seeking.

However, where people get caught up is in the analysis part because with the good, there’s always a negative. On top of which, there will always be a cynic in the community.

It’s the cynic’s job to criticize and point out some flaw. And yet, even though you find a cynic in every community, that’s the voice that gets amplified.

Sure, there’s some trade offs when you choose to join one community out of the multitude, but if you spend all your time listening to the cynic, you’ll never join any.

Join one, commit to it and, over time, if you become the cynic, it might be time to join another.

You’ve got to get obsessed and stay obsessed.

John Irving

Getting started is the easy part.

Coincidentally, this is also the part we tend to put the most thought and effort. To help that along, there are endless flash in the pan ideas to feed that initial burst of inspiration.

Staying obsessed… keeping at it… pushing through… disciplining yourself to stay the course…

This is what separates the breakthroughs from the dreamers.

It separates those who consider it a part of their life and those who look upon it with pangs of regret.

If anything, we should stop looking at what motivates us and start looking at what keeps us going. What is it that can get us to set a goal so ridiculously high and seemingly almost unachievable, then pursue it obsessively at all costs?

Answer that question and a whole new world opens up to you.

The common expression for someone on the precipice of burnout is “burning the candle at both ends.”

Right now, we are living in a world where our own candles have multiple endpoints that are constantly burning because it’s demanded of us. If we’re not burning, we’re done.

This is my issue with the hyper focus on building resilience (in the workforce or our schools) and wellness initatives. We’re not so much worried anymore that the wick is aflame from every which point, but how strong the wax is to stop it from burning so much.

Maybe if we demanded less of every candle, each one would last longer while continuing to serve its purpose.

The trick is not becoming a writer. The trick is staying a writer.

Harlan Ellison

Day after day
Week after week
Year after year
Story after story

How many writers disappear after ten years?
Musicians?
Comedians?
Artists?

While the creative side will always be with a person, especially if they were immersed within their field, you will rarely see them produce more than a memory of an earlier time.

This is the challenge of creativity. It’s not the creative part itself, but the commitment to keep at it.

When you want a cup of coffee, the purest way to drink it is black.
Nothing in it.
Letting the flavour stand on its own.
Tasting it for what it is and nothing more.

But for those who don’t find it palatable, there are many ways to doctor it up:
Add sugar, milk, cream, foam, flavouring, syrup, chocolate mix, blended, more water and give it fancy names.

You still get the coffee essence (and caffeine), but without the strong smack to the taste buds.

The same can be said for a truth we’re trying to deliver.

We spend an inordinate amount of time trying to doctor up our truth to make it more palatable for people to take in. It’s a good way to get them to taste the message.

At some point, though, you’ll need to serve it to them black. If you don’t, they may never know what you really want to say.

Nobody reads books anymore.
If they do read, they don’t read fantasy.
If they do read fantasy, the long, epic fantasy genre died in the nineties.
There isn’t an audience for it.
No publisher wants that anymore.

Good thing Brandon Sanderson didn’t listen to any of those criticisms. His kickstarter campaign for a special edition of his epic fantasy, The Way of Kings, hit $4 million in one day.

While I’m sure there will be some who attempt to deconstruct his process and emulate what he did in hopes of similar results, they miss the big picture:

He did what he loved and found an audience for his work.

Despite the repeated attempts by major conglomerates to manufacture a mainstream interest, it’s the niche audiences that show up and prove somebody still wants it.

And that audience is usually much larger than people think.