“You have a passion for young people. It shows in your work.”
-3 professors during my last semester of University
I had a great start to my work by sheer coincidence my medical complications had a byproduct of making me look younger than I am.
That is slowly going away. In its place are lessons I’ve learned from experience, mistakes and others.
These may change over time, but for now, they work. They’re also applicable to any context. I just happen to work in a high school where I get to watch it in action everyday.
Offer Free Food
I keep a box of cookies in my desk drawer at all times. Sometimes two or three boxes. If I don’t have any snacks on hand, I’ll always make sure to offer some when I host events.
Some people come just to grab food and leave. I’m fine with that because it’s still an opportunity to say hi and engage. It cannot be denied, however, free food will always bring people to you – no matter the age.
Learn Magic
Time for some honesty: not everyone enjoys magic. That’s okay because most people do on some level.
Whenever I bust out a deck of cards, some coins or just about anything that suggests I’m about to do a magic trick, the interest level skyrockets. The cost of admittance to this particular strategy is high: it takes a long… loooong…. time to competently learn a good magic trick.
Share Yourself
Chris and I spent the better part of a chapter in our book going over narrative as a tool for the classroom. It also works outside of the class as well.
People want to know they are connecting to another human being and not just another authority figure. Share a bit about yourself just to let young people know you have a life and lived through some adventures.
Don’t go overboard with the sharing and…
Don’t be Patronizing
It’s okay to relate the stories of how things were different when you were young. Don’t do it as a basis of comparison of how life was so much better. It’s a fine line to walk, but crossing it will get you tuned out.
Examples:
“When I was young, we all called each other up and set a meeting time/place before going out. How does that work today?”
“Is going to the theatre still a thing for a date?”
The tone shows you value where they are in life and how their world is at the moment.
Meet Them Where They’re At
They have no idea what it’s like to be in your shoes, but you know (almost) exactly what it’s like to be in theirs. Challenge them to a higher level, but don’t expect them to start there.
Avoid Pop-Culture References
Unless you have the timing and experience of a comedian, overtly dropping pop-culture references comes across as trying too hard and will be met with a lot of eye-rolling.
Understand Pop-Culture References
It’s impossible to keep up, but try to get the major ones so you know what young people are talking about. It will also show you “get it” when in all likelihood, we’ll never know what “it” is (click here for Simpsons reference explaining this to perfection).
Again, avoid making the references yourself.
Be An Example to Look Up To
Another way of saying this is to be the most authentic version of yourself at all times. This will help in many ways.
Offer Respect Through Seemingly Minor Actions
Smile, show that you’re listening by looking at them, don’t call young people “kids” (that’s the name of a baby goat), make eye contact and say hi whenever possible.
The small actions you would appreciate are also ones other people appreciate as well.
Don’t Try to be Funny
Young people will find things humorous about you without any effort on your part. Embrace those things and again, leave the hard work of comedy to the pros. There’s a significant difference between what young people and adults find funny.
Offer Advice When Asked
Unsolicited advice, no matter where it’s coming from and going to, is patronizing even when the intention is well-meaning.
If someone is coming to you for advice, give the most honest answer possible. It may not be the answer the young person wants to hear, but they respect you enough to ask for it.
Show an Appreciation for their Music
Music ranks pretty high on the list of what young people value. It’s an integral part of their identity while they are figuring life out.
While it’s amusing to poke fun at what they’re listening to, don’t completely dismiss it. It’s the equivalent of dismissing a part of their soul.
Discuss a Conspiracy Theory
Pick one – at random even – and I’m certain there will be good discussion to be had afterwards.
Ask Their Advice on Anything Technology Related
Similar to above but with substantiated and in-depth reasoning behind their advice.
Ask for Book Recommendations
Contrary to the attitude towards young people and reading, today’s young people do read. I have received numerous book recommendations and while I do my best to work through them all, the list continues to grow.
This also has the bonus of getting a glimpse into their world at the moment.
Feel Excited About Life
It gives off good vibes and it’s enjoyable to be around a person who has an excitement for life.
Support Them, Encourage Them and Above All – Love Them
Young people don’t just disappear to be replaced by another batch of young people. They grow up to become adults in the world, largely shaped by their upbringing. The more encouragement and love you can offer during that time, the more it will be appreciated as life continues for each of them.
…
I’m sure there are many other ways to connect, but for the time being, this list works quite well. Although if I had to narrow this list down to just one statement, it would be the following:
Be authentic and love them until it hurts.