When we first went into lockdown, there wasn’t an obvious marker my body went into crisis mode.

From the surface, it was a matter of holding it together and being strong for those around me, which felt right. My years of training and conferring with others in dealing with difficult situations had prepared me for the moment.

But things felt off…

I couldn’t focus on a book.
I was spending an inordinate amount of time on my phone scrolling social media (despite having no official apps for any of them).
My nights were broken and I was constantly waking up, even when the household was sleeping and still.

My body was trying to tell me something and rather than listen, adjust and deal with it, they were promptly ignored. Hence, other avenues of dealing with stress came to surface and I found my recycling bin overflowing every week with, what felt like, treasure chests for bottle collectors.

This time around, I’ve been able to catch it early.

While I originally thought another lockdown would be “old hat” with enough mental preparation to grind through, my body was speaking to me again. This time, it was heart palpitations.

Recognizing this could get a lot worse, it’s time to step back, re-evaluate my expectations (for myself and others) and ease on up before anything else might happen.

My body knows what my mind sometimes refuses to admit.

And for that reason, I’m letting go of a lot to make sure I still have something to grab when it’s all done.