Few people know the background as to why I got into teaching. It’s something I rarely talk about and almost feel embarrassed by it because… well… I still question it.

It was evening and my mother was driving me home from a karate lesson. Sitting quietly in the front seat of her blue Ford Tempo, mindlessly looking out the window of the houses streaming by with the street lights pouring down, something strange happened:

I heard a voice echo in my mind that I need to teach Religion.

It threw me off guard and I was confused.

Sure, my mom was a very religious person and we had “our pew” every week at Church, but many of my Sunday mornings involved me borrowing the car to attend Mass, then skipping to eat breakfast with my friends.

We all feel a calling to something at some point, but I was a clueless teenager. What the hell did I know?

First, I had no desire to teach. My goal was to leave high school and get as far away from it as possible.

Second, I was good with computers and there was a better future in it. Almost everyone recognized that in me at the time.

So, I did the only logical thing a person could do and completely ignored it. Ran as from it as possible. Chalked it up to some kind of mental psychosis. Jumped headfirst into computers.

Hated it.

By what seemed like divine providence, all the stars lined up for me to spend a year doing missionary work. I was far from the ideal Catholic, but the opportunity to see my own country seemed too great to pass up.

A memorable experience… for many reasons. Not all good.

Came back with the certainty that I shouldn’t be pursuing a career in computers.

Jumped headfirst into videogame programming.

Hated it.

Decided to spend time revisiting that ‘call’ I received as a teenager. I couldn’t shake it off, but I seriously doubted it was real. However, the idea of studying Theology seemed to give me peace and I checked into Universities who would accept me with my lack of high school university credits and experience in college.

Only one did.

Moved to Ottawa. Fell in love with the city. Fell in love with the school. Discovered in my first year there was a working agreement with the local teacher’s college that graduates from the Theology program had a guaranteed seat there. It almost felt like I was being pushed along a path.

And here I am.

But, every year I question whether I’m actually sane. Life has worked out really well and I wouldn’t trade where I am for anything… but the entire seed that started this was due to a moment that I still chalk up to a hallucination.

You’d think being a graduate and lifelong student of Religion and Theology, I would be convinced that was a moment of God. However, it’s because of my formal training I am more skeptical about it now than as a teenager. I’ve read countless essays and papers on the neuroscience of hearing voices to see if there’s some explanation… but the decades between the moment and now make it harder to scrutinize.

And yet, it still feels right.

Then I look out into the world and see the exponential rise in mental health issues among young people, the complete isolation people have been feeling (even before covid) and the existential cries for some kind of meaning and think–maybe there’s a bigger classroom to teach.

All this from a moment that I don’t think was real.

Like I said, it’s embarrassing.