I grew up a cradle Catholic and have always been part of the life of the Church in some way. This has been both enriching and incredibly difficult.

There was a fascination with the deeper mysteries of tradition, especially towards the mystic side of things, that drew me in. Called me further. Had me diving deeply into not only the faith tradition, but other faiths as well.

As a young person, I couldn’t see the issues.
Or rather, I glossed over them with pre-fabricated answers I heard.

Then came the study of Theology and having everything I know challenged, which also put me in a crisis on many fronts. When your entire world starts falling down, you need guidance on how to rebuild it properly or it can leave you wandering in the dark. Thankfully, I met some incredibly good people to help me through it.

I realized the goal of any good school of Theology, or deep study of faith tradition, is to tear down your worldview so you can build it on a much stronger foundation. It’s never going to be perfect, but it’s going to be your own—and people will know your beliefs because you live them, not preach them.

However, the most important part of that journey, is infusing your heart into it.

I was always incredibly guilty of being all mind and no heart. In fact, I didn’t even know what that meant until my late twenties, but it changed everything. Unfortunately, it opened my eyes to a Church that I loved, plagued with issues that it may never get over.

For me, this was originally a challenge. How can we work within this broken system to repair the issues at hand?
But as time went on, my hope turned to skepticism.

Over the past several years, I’m more skeptical than ever.

Instead of conversation, there’s division.
Instead of on-going revelation, there’s pre-fabricated responses.
Instead of openness and heart, there’s closed off intellectual stupor.

I’m watching as people who are dissatisifed with the political situation entrench themselves into particular Church communities who support their politics under the mask of spirituality. What they’re participating in is not Catholicism, but the use of Catholicism as an excuse.

I grew up in this Church.
I loved it.
Loved its traditions, rituals and Theology.
Loved its community, broken and all.

And now I can’t help but step away. The last time I took my family to Church, the Priest preached politics while one of the parishioners (tried) admonishing me because my young daughter was walking around in the back. I didn’t treat that kindly. At all.

Where have their hearts gone?

It’s a clear entrenchment of a power structure that demands submissiveness and unquestioning loyalty.

Shut up.
Pray your rosary.
The answer is in the Cathecism.

Is it any wonder there’s been a mass exodus of believers?

Yet, I still teach Religion in a Catholic education system and my experiences have shaped my approach. I find Religion to be a valuable class because it gets students to open their minds and hearts. I think about the student who left me this comment:

As someone who isn’t religious and doesn’t believe in God, I thought that there wouldn’t be much I can take from religion class. However the class I was least interested in, turned out to be the class I took the most out of. Mr. Michienzi was able to change my outlook on religion, faith and God.

A good teacher gets their class involved and interested in the lessons. Which is what Mr. Michienzi did throughout the semester. Throughout the course I didn’t find the course to be specifically about Christianity, but rather what we can take out of it. He presented the concept of religion as something we can use to improve and grow as humans. That you don’t have to be religious to be able to take something out of it, and use for personal growth. 

Mr. Michienzi is a great example of a religious person because he brings people closer to God rather than pushing them away. That’s the impact he had on me. Throughout my life I consistently have been pushed away from christianity as I saw it being preached in hate. Mr.Michienzis class is the first time I saw it being presented positively and despite not being religious, I have developed a great interest in religion. How it affected history, what it means to each person and how it brings people together. Mr. Michienzi is a great example of faith because if one person can convert me to christianity it would be him.

or this one:

This is the way courses should be. It was set up in such a way that while I was getting set lessons and lectures, every conclusion I drew was my own. In all of my projects, it felt as though I was actually sharing something instead of being asked for something specific. You never gave us a list and said, “How do these make us human?”, but instead you gave us a lesson and some material to use, and then asked, “What makes us human?”. I feel so lucky to have taken this course because I feel that I have learned things that will stick with me and that I’ll use in my life. By far the best course I’ve taken, even with the quarantine alterations. This is the first time since elementary school where I felt I was able to write something true to myself and my beliefs, and have my teacher actually read through it and actually comment on and think about the ideas rather than just the writing. It felt less like I was just filling a quota on the rubric and more like the ideas I was writing about actually mattered. Thank you so much for this experience, it was fantastic and it’s something I’ll carry with me throughout.

While I’m truly touched and humbled by those remarks, I still have a long way to go. My goal is not to convert, but to get people thinking deeply while opening their hearts. It’s not going to save Catholicism, but it may get others to live what Catholicism was meant to be about.

Because, right now, it’s not happening inside its walls.