In connecting with yesterday’s post, I have to give a nod to Sasha Chapin who wrote something during my time of reflection that still sits with me.

Sometimes, you have to blow up your life.

Set it on a new course.

Maybe not completely new, but enough of a nudge that it will end up somewhere else.

I recall at a wedding many moons ago, one of my closest friends (who was in a happy state of mind at this point) commented that I was a person willing to put himself in unknown places just to seek fulfillment. Or maybe it was happiness. I can’t remember, but I consider the terms interchangeable.

It was a note worthy comment because I had never considered that’s what I was actually doing. I always chalked it up to being a young, wanderlust adventurer who wanted to experience as much life as possible. This is something you do until your life hits a plateau and then you chill out.

However, my line of thinking presents two conundrums:
1. Life never hits a plateau.
2. Not everyone is in a position to abdicate any and all responsibilities.

What is interesting to note is anybody who has hit a good place in their life took at least one blind leap of faith. At some point, there were decisions with considerable uncertainty behind them and it was a matter of trusting whether it would work out or not.

This not only applies to material comfort, but also emotional, mental, spiritual and community.

Yes, some people are born with it all, but keeping it and growing it are still matters of choice. There are still times when you have to blow things up—even just a little bit.

Perhaps one of my more life experienced readers can let me know if there actually is a point where you can stop doing this and coast along the lazy river. I can only speak from a limited perspective and an even more limited perspective of observation.

In the meantime, I will look ahead and consider what things I should blow up right now and trust it will work out.

The past few months have been a serious time of reflection, as evidenced by the sheer silence on this site.

This reflection has been on the things in life that truly spark joy.

As I’ve discovered, the many things that used to fire me up and provide fulfillment, just aren’t. Maybe it’s this whole midlife crisis, but I look at the pile of hobbies and passions of mine with nothing more than a shrug.

A loss of interest, even.

This isn’t to say I’ve hit an emotional slump because I’ve never felt more emotionally stable or excited for the people around me.

However, I just look at my stack of books, writing spaces, movie lists… and have no desire to engage with any of it. A strong suggestion from a close friend suggested it’s time I look elsewhere, which isn’t a bad idea.

It took me a few months to realize what I really needed was to be creative again. I haven’t written, or created, anything in quite some time—to the point where even my wife noticed and asked about it.

As someone who was always thinking of the next project and creative outlet (whether for work or personal life), cutting that part out was a complete detriment to a big part of who I am.

The other realization was that my creative projects were always done with an external goal in mind. I never did something for the sake of personal satisfaction. It always for another purpose: monetary, validation, etc.

No wonder I grew tired of it.

In looking at the back burner (“unfinished business”), it also occurred to me that I can just abandon it to connect with something more personal. After all, even if I did go through my “back list” of projects, there will be nobody on the other end to congratulate me for completing them. Nobody notices and quite frankly, nobody cares, so why should I?

With all this recognition and reflection, it’s time to set a new course; one where I can simply enjoy the scenery along the way instead of focusing on what’s at the end.

And that right there gets me all fired up again.

That may or may not be true, but the real reason people ready this book is to simply say they read it.

So why bother?

If you want to read it, go ahead. If you don’t, leave it and do something else with your life.

This goes for anything else you feel you must do.

When I look at the wake of projects in my life, I see a haphazard mess of incomplete intentions:

Several books I didn’t finish writing, many uncracked spines of books on my shelf, movies unseen, video games “I’ll get to,” house projects on my to-do list that haven’t budged, abandoned exercise challenges… the list keeps going.

While I’ve always had a problem focusing, constantly jumping from one venture to the next, I’ve always been able to hyperfocus on the latest obsession. It’s the contradiction I live out daily of constantly wondering when I’ll abandon the current thing for the next one.

It’s as if I’m circling a target, but never actually being able to see it clearly—or name it.

And here’s the crux upon which I finally realized what’s going on:

It is not a search for a venture, but a search for a complete understanding of who I am. My projects are incomplete because I don’t feel complete.

This is the real venture worth sticking to until the end.

I haven’t always been the perfect person and although I’ve tried my best, there were many missteps along the way. There is no one who cringes at who they were more than the person I am today, but that’s okay.

Because tomorrow I’ll shake my head at the person I was yesterday.

Life is a series of constant growth cycles, fueled by experience and hard earned wisdom. I have nothing left to prove, yet I’m still striving to improve.

If you wouldn’t give me a chance before, can you give me a chance today?

I’d hate for you to judge me on a person who is no longer here.

Trees can talk with each other.

While it makes for interesting scientific study and certainly an excellent episode of “The Magic School Bus,” there’s something much bigger at play. When a tree is in trouble, it sends a signal to other trees through a fungi system and in return, those trees use their root systems to send nutrients and antibodies to help. It’s a symbiotic system where everyone is working together to protect each other and help each other thrive.

And the more trees that are around, the more they can help each other out.

What a remarkable fact of nature:
Trees do a better job of helping each other out than humans do.

It’s easier now, more than ever, to build our own interconnected support network so that we may have abundance in our own lives. Take it from the trees—it seems to work.

Your innocence is replaced with skepticism.
Your playfulness is replaced with pragmatism.
Your sense of awe is replaced with regret.
Joy is replaced with worry.
Curiosity is replaced with indifference.
Adventure is replaced with routine.
Trust is replaced with fear.

You would think that with all the wisdom we gain over the years, we would recognize what’s destroying our happiness. It’s time to be young at heart again.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all had certainty in our lives?

The certainty to know which decisions are the right ones, which beliefs are truthful and which actions are the best, would make life a whole lot easier. Yet, all of life is struggling between this contention of seeking it while never having it fully.

Which is why it’s concerning when people live and think as if they have already achieved this certainty that could never be had, or people who burn out trying to achieve it.

The problem of certainty is that it keeps us complacent. It never challenges us or pushes us beyond our comfort zones. It lulls us into a stagnation of the mind and life.

We can never know for certain whether what we do, say or think is the right way, so let’s stop pretending.

If you have to ask, then it’s probably best to dig further for a better one.

Should you still wish to proceed, be prepared for the consequences that caused you to hesitate in the first place. Chances are, you’re going to get exactly what you thought.

Charles E. Benham created a disc that demonstrates how easily your brain can be tricked into seeing something that’s not there.

What’s interesting is even though you know the colours are an illusion, no amount of rationality or will power will prevent you from seeing them.

It’s a clear demonstration that at the end of the day, we’re all still fools.